Dear Kallyn,
This post is honest and not too pretty. You must learn from my mistakes and be a better person. After having Tommy, I just could not lose that last 10 pounds. I decided that I would cut back on my food intake. It worked and within a few weeks I started getting all the compliments..You look great, How did you do it? Basically losing weight was all people would talk to me about. It became my identity. The pressure was on..I soon became terrified of gaining weight,Food became the enemy. Even water added that extra few ounces. My weight dropped slightly below 100 and then I stopped losing. It was not good enough. I peaked at 98 and couldn't lose more. I learned from all those eating disorder after school specials how to lose weight. I took up to 20 laxatives a day..Ugly ,but the truth shall set you free, right? Every night after I put Tommy to bed , I would leave the house at 11pm and go out jogging til 1am or so. My hair fell out in chunks. When I walked into the room I saw the grimace on peoples faces,. Their talk went from losing weight to them saying I needed to eat. I remember hating to go out to eat because watching people eat made me sick. Every night in bed I would be afraid that I would not wake up. My kidneys were going bad. I knew I had to go to the doctor. All he said was eat more or I will be Pi..ed if I have to get out of bed to admit you in the hospital or sign your death certificate. Still it did not click. Somehow in this mess I became pregnant with you.. Which is amazing and surprising considering my body was shutting down. I knew right away that it all must stop. From the first day I knew I was pregnant, I stopped the Ana, the laxatives and the excessive exercising. I haven't had a problem since. You saved my life. I actually love myself now, flaws and all.. I am Mary, no more no less.. Please don't fall prey to the pressure. I love you and you are perfect in every way!
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