My little piece of heaven on Earth!

Just a note

Dear Tommy & Kallyn,

I can't sleep tonight, so I thought I would write you a little note. These days I have been feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. We have alot going on. I often wonder if I do right by you two. As a parent, I realize that every action I take effects you guys. I hope that I am making the right choices. I want you guys to be proud of me. I really could not have ever asked for 2 more wonderful children. I am so lucky to have you. My life is never boring!

I am so amazed by your knowledge of baseball Tommy. You run your fantasy teams like a pro. I have no clue what they even mean ..lol I will never forgot at 8 years old when you placed in the top 20 in a national fantasy league. You have an amazing memory and can recall every stat. You started watching NASCAR at 5 and you can recall the winner and venue of every race you have ever watched. You are truly gifted..Maybe we should go to Vegas kid..lol
Kallyn, you are so funny. You keep asking me for singing lessons. You want to sing on stage. I admire your courage! I love the way you put you hands on my cheeks and get in my face and say ( in baby talk) I love you little momma! You are truely an entertainer! I love you guys. More then ever! Life is good!

Bloomin' where we are planted (or at least trying)

Dear Tommy and Kallyn,
The past year has brought so many changes in our life. Mainly living in Texas. In some ways I feel like I have failed you guys. You see, growing up I lived in the same small town all my life. I went from Kindergarten to College with people I grew up with. This was very important to me. You guys will not have this luxury.
The year before Tommy started school, we decided to build a new home. We spent many months researching places and decided on the picturesque town of Woodstock,IL. The movie Groundhog day was filmed in our town square. It had that small town feel that I wanted for you, but was on the Chicago commuter train line. The best of both worlds. for sure! We had planned to live there for pretty much the rest of our lives. Along came 2008, and the economy went bust. Especially the tech sector. Our world changed overnight. Truth be told, I learned so much about myself in the period. I learned what is really important, who is important, and well what life is really all about. An offer came from Texas in January 09. I had never considered moving to the Southwest. We arrived here in June of 09. I had never even set one foot in Texas until the day I moved here. It was a big change. I think the hardest part was moving in the summer because you guys did not get to meet any kids. September came around and it was Kallyn's 4th birthday. She was used to having big parties in IL and lots of friends. I was very sad to celebrate her birthday alone.
What a difference a year makes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have been so blessed to meet some amazing people! You guys have an adopted grandma. Her name is Joyce. She treats you guys like her own. On the weekends she picks her grand kids and you guys up and takes you to McDonald's to play, or the movies ect. I can not even imagine what I did to deserve someone like her!. We have managed to make a Texas family in just a year. So many people have supported us, are there for us and look out for us. It is just "Texas" way, I guess..I am not sure how long we will be in Tx, maybe forever. Only god knows. No matter what, we have each other. So bloom where you are planted, my beautiful little flowers!

Special People : )

Dear Friends,

I feel the need to write this note to show my true appreciation. The reason I have tagged you in this blog is because you have really helped me in my time of need. Until recently I have practiced the principles of Buddhism. The day of Kallyn's anaphyalaxsis changed my life. I realized that I needed more. That definitely rang true this week at Kallyn's allergy appt. They had to inject her with the venom. It was terrifying to see them inject her with something that could kill her.. As the testing started, I received several texts from FB friends who were praying for Kallyn and instantly my soul was at peace! I have not felt that warmth in many, many years! Every time I post a prayer request, I know that you all consistently pray for us! That means the world to me! Not only have you helped my family, you have helped to save my soul!
As for Miss Kallyn she is a candidate for rapid venom immunotherapy. This procedure will inject her with 10xs the venom then her last allergy appt. This will be scary, BUT I know I have God and all of you looking out for her! The upside is that she most likely will be immune to fire arts by the time she starts Kindergarten next year! That brings amazing peace to my soul! Thank you guys for the prayers. I hope in life that our paths cross again. Both Kallyn and I have big hugs for our prayer warriors!

Bobbi Jo- You are an awesome person! You set the example for all the rest of us mothers. Your attitude is amazing! Your struggles are big, but you are bigger! Love!

Tiffany- You are absolutely darling! I appreciate the way you always check on me. I know you are praying for us! You have a big heart!

Debbie- I truly appreciate your prayers ( Tonyas too!) I think you have a direct line to the man upstairs! I think you are such a wonderful person because you take care of everybody! I know that your sacrificies are so appreciated!

Leesa- Everytime I post a prayer request, you're one of the first to respond! You are truly a beautiful person-inside and out! A real rarity in this world! I truly appreciate your kindness. Your kids are lucky to have such a wonderful mom!

Larry & Jill- No words can truly express how we feel about you. We are SO lucky to have you. Larry, you took the role as Substitute husband when Tom moved away.I will never forget how you looked out for me & the kids. I love you guys, and miss you will ALL my heart! Even if we never spoke another word to each other again in our lives, I would still feel the same about you all!

My Birthday Girl

Dear Kallyn,

You are within a few days of turning 5. What an awesome 5 years it has been. You came into our lives as quite a wonderful surprise. We had to go to alot of doctors to be able to have your brother. I only thought I would have one child. When Tommy was about to turn five and go to kindergarten we decided to sell our house and build a new one. We were very excited about this! Two days after we moved in I was not feeling so well and it turns out I had a baby on the way! It was such an awesome surprise. I knew you were a girl from day one. My pregnancy was easy and I sailed through without a single issue, unlike your brother with whom I was very sick and lost 30 pounds.
You were born on a very sad week. Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. Alot of people lost everything and passed away. It was very sad to be in the hospital and see all the news coverage. You were born September 3rd 2005. You weighed in at a good 9lbs. You were a bit smaller then your brother who was a sturdy 9.9 pounds! The nurses told me they were going to fix you up with the little newborn boy next door who was 11 pounds! LOL After you were born I sent your dad to the nursery with you so you would not be alone when getting your check up. I heard stories from several people, including the nurses, that he was rubbing your head and said now I have 3 people to protect.
You grew up so fast. You are super independent and self assured. Nothing is impossible for you!
You have a way about you that makes you very charming and irresistible. I love you so much! I am so lucky to have you! Happy Birthday Kallyn!

God threw me a lifesaver..It was you.

Dear Kallyn,

This post is honest and not too pretty. You must learn from my mistakes and be a better person. After having Tommy, I just could not lose that last 10 pounds. I decided that I would cut back on my food intake. It worked and within a few weeks I started getting all the compliments..You look great, How did you do it? Basically losing weight was all people would talk to me about. It became my identity. The pressure was on..I soon became terrified of gaining weight,Food became the enemy. Even water added that extra few ounces. My weight dropped slightly below 100 and then I stopped losing. It was not good enough. I peaked at 98 and couldn't lose more. I learned from all those eating disorder after school specials how to lose weight. I took up to 20 laxatives a day..Ugly ,but the truth shall set you free, right? Every night after I put Tommy to bed , I would leave the house at 11pm and go out jogging til 1am or so. My hair fell out in chunks. When I walked into the room I saw the grimace on peoples faces,. Their talk went from losing weight to them saying I needed to eat. I remember hating to go out to eat because watching people eat made me sick. Every night in bed I would be afraid that I would not wake up. My kidneys were going bad. I knew I had to go to the doctor. All he said was eat more or I will be Pi..ed if I have to get out of bed to admit you in the hospital or sign your death certificate. Still it did not click. Somehow in this mess I became pregnant with you.. Which is amazing and surprising considering my body was shutting down. I knew right away that it all must stop. From the first day I knew I was pregnant, I stopped the Ana, the laxatives and the excessive exercising. I haven't had a problem since. You saved my life. I actually love myself now, flaws and all.. I am Mary, no more no less.. Please don't fall prey to the pressure. I love you and you are perfect in every way!

Don't sweat the small stuff..

Dear Tommy & Kallyn,

The biggest lessons I learned being a mom is to not sweat the small stuff and to pick my battles. I used to get all bent out of shape over the simple things.. IE cutting line, bad service ect. When I became a mom I learned not to complain about every small thing because when something big comes along people will not listen. Now don't get me wrong you must ALWAYS stand up for what is right, but think first! Remember there are people who have it much worse. Pettiness is something I definitely try to avoid. Before you react, do some research, that person who is upsetting you may have alot going on in their life. This is an area that I still need to work on. Remember that any given day, people are sick, people go missing, people lose loved ones. Take a moment to count your blessings. A fine example is our friend Sheila. She was diagnosed with Brain Cancer. She doesn't ever complain, even though she now has trouble seeing and walking due to balance issues. She still makes me laugh on the phone and remembers to send cards for every ones birthday. She sets a fine example for all mankind. People will be mean, people will be petty, people will hurt you. Remember to be the bigger person.

"Love and kindness are the very basis of society. If we lose these feelings,

society will face tremendous difficulties; the survival of humanity will be
endangered."-- His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Your Dog Molly

Dear Tommy,

Throughout your life you have had the most wonderful best friend & guardian angel by your side..Your devoted dog Molly.

When I was younger, I really wanted to have kids, but I was just not able to. I went to lots and lots of doctors but they could not help. I was very sad. I decided that I would get a puppy and raise it like a baby ( your dad was so not happy about that idea) One day I was at a restaurant for my work Christmas party and I decided to visit the pet store next to it. I saw the most beautiful black, chubby puppy. I walked over to her and she jumped into my arms!. I knew I could not leave without her! I brought her home and snuck her in the house. That night I got a big comforter and slept on the couch. I tucked her deep into the covers so your dad would not come down and see her. The next morning I pulled back the covers and said, " Look what I got". Boy was your dad mad!!!!!!!!! He said take that thing back!!! I made him touch her warm pink belly and told him I was not going to take her back. Over the next few weeks she made my case to keep her quite hard. She chewed up pillows, ate carpet, chewed chair legs. A few months later I found out I was pregnant with you. I was very sick for the first 3 months and Molly was my constant companion. Following me everywhere, always taking care of me! She was quite confused the day we brought you home. From day one she slept under your crib. I always joked that you two had bunk beds. She has seen you through all your almost 11 years. She loves her boy and takes alot of pride looking after you still. Even though she is much slower these days with a limp, she still makes it her life duty to watch her boy and her girl. She now has tumors and I know it will not be long til we lose her. I fear that day. I guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it. I love you Tommy and I love our Molly. Thankful for Mollys undying love.

Tommy : )

Dear Tommy,

Just another month until schools starts. You will be attending a new school this year. It is an intermediate school- 5th and 6th grade. I am sure that you will do great..as usual. Last year you had an awesome school year! You made straight As all year! Even though we moved to a new state, you still did awesome. You even made As in the classes you never had before-Texas History and Spanish. It's funny here in Texas, some of your texts had the state of Texas on them. I have never seen that before. Texas is quite proud of their schools and it shows in the school quality. This year a really wonderful thing happened at school. A kid in your grade won a national contest. It was the " Take an NFL player to school" contest. Jason Witten from the Cowboys came to your class! Since we lived across the street from the elementary, I could hear a whole school full of children cheer as Jason got out of his limo. It was awesome! You met many new friends at school and settled in quite nicely. I was so worried that the change would be hard for you but you amazed me. I am so proud of you. I love you!

The funny things you say...

Dear Kallyn,

Your sense of humor is so awesome! Your stories crack me up. You made me laugh so hard last night. A couple weeks ago I noticed you have been wanting to snack alot lately. Despite all the snacking you have recently lost your chubby baby cheeks and become quite waifish. A few weeks ago, as you came in for a snack, I asked you how you could possibly be hungry an hour after lunch. I jokingly said you must have a tape worm, which you seemed to ignore and never mentioned. Last night, after dinner you said you were hungry again. You then said " My tape worm is hungry and it wants Jack In The Box". Of course with that kind of master manipulating how could I ever say no? On the way to Jack In The Box you said " You better hurry, my tape worm is hurting and needs curly fries". I am just worried that that tape worm is going to want a BMW when it turns 16. LOL I love you Kallyn Kathleen. My are my sunshine. : )

After The Flood All the Colors Came Out..

Dear Tommy & Kallyn,

The title of this blog is a verse from a song from the band U2. I am sure when you grow up and read this blog, they will be classic rock. : ) As I have written before, over the past 2 years we have weathered quite a storm. This verse is what I kept playing in my head to get through the tough times.(.We lost grandma, my heart, the move ect) It's so nice to be able to see all those colors now. Especially Tommy's ocean blue eyes and those rosy red cheeks of Kallyns. You guys really love our new home. Tommy, I barely see you! You start playing football at 10 am in the park across the street and don't stop until 9pm. Well, you do pop in a brief few moments for some food, I guess. You made a wonderful new friend named Noah. He is a really neat kid. He is a couple years older then you. He smiles when I talk to him and laughs at my jokes. The best part is he LOVES my homemade quesadillas . He is a good influence on you!
As for you Kallyn, Our neighbors next door have 6 girls! All preteens except for a baby. You are quite spoiled by these girls. They paint your nails and do your hair. They even play dress up with you. They carry you around like a baby and you love it. Yesterday you got a boo boo, you began to cry and instantly you were surrounded by preteen girls picking you up and rubbing your back. You were just fine but you cried for 30 minutes just because you loved the attention. : ) You just learned to ride a 2 wheel bike by the way. The funny story is you asked me to take your training wheels off and I told you to wait. A few minutes later I walked outsde to see you riding your bike without the training wheels. You asked the teen boys down the street for tools to take them off and they came to did it for you, without my knowledge.. So funny! You just took off on your 2 wheeler like you had been doing it forever!
I love you guys and I am so proud of you! Life is good and I certainly could not ask for more!

The Real Important Things..

I have decided to stop Facebooking for the summer to enjoy more time with my kids. Yes this shows up on my FB page when I update..I know.. And well sometimes about 1 Am and I can't sleep I hear frontierville calling my name..I am human..A few things snapped me into back into reality and out of the virtual world. Number one being Kallyn's severe fire ant allergy. Number two.. we went to the Rangers game and all around were people taking the "push our heads together" Facebook profile pics. They were updating and texting during the game and not even watching. I can only imagine they were putting " Hey look at me, I am at the Rangers game" in their status. They had no idea what was going on in the field, seems they were more concerned with letting people know they were at the game then actually being there. It made me want to say ..Hello , join the real world! Life is about experiencing things not just telling everyone what you are doing. Number three, I have become quite disgusted with myself because I have become a virtual voyeur. I have been enjoying being outside all day and it has definitely made me feel better. So to all my FB friends reading this.. I still love you. I still want to know what is going on in your life, however I need to live a little and get my nose out of the laptop..My kids will only be little once. No regrets!

For My Kallalilly

Dear Kallyn,

You are my social butterfly, filled with happiness and self confidence. In all respects, personality and looks, you are a mini me. Poor girl : ) We have so much fun. You love having tea parties, going to baseball games and well frankly, you find happiness in everything you do! You have that same quirky sense of humor as I do. You are so fearless. I love the way you belt out songs in the cart at Target and the way you will happily do your ballet routine for any stranger who will stop to watch. You had your recital recently. You did awesome and I was so proud.
I had one of the worst days of my life a few weeks ago. We were walking home from the park and you were bit by a fire ant. Instantly you swelled up and had an anaphylactic reaction. I was so terrified. I pray every night we don't have a repeat of that situation. The doctors in the ER were quite wonderful, in fact 2 of your best pal's dads were on duty in the ER that night. Now we have an EpiPen for you and are more prepared. You are so loved that the neighbors had our yard, their yard and the park treated for fire ants by the next day.
This September you will be five, but you will not be starting Kindergarten because you missed the cut off by 2 days. I am so happy to be able to have you home an extra year! I love you Kallyn Kathleen..my drama queen!

For my Tommy

Dear Tommy,

I have decided to do a blog again. So much as changed since I had one before. All of our lives have changed so much in the past 2 years. Moving, new schools, illnesses have been a major theme of the recent past. But through it all you have been a super trooper! When your dad moved away,we had to pack up the house and get it ready to sell by ourselves. You were quite frankly my hero. You became the responsible man of the house. Truth be told, I was really hard on you. It was a tough adjustment for all of us. It's has lead us to a wonderful spot. We are the happiest we have been in years!
I love you Tommy. You make me smile with your freckles and Ocean blue eyes. You have taught me how to love the WWE and Nascar, things I would have never EVER believed I would like. This October you will be 11. I miss my little boy. You are now taller then me and have worn bigger shoes then me since the age of eight. In my eyes you will always be that 9lb and 9oz bundle of joy.. My Thomas Evan, made in heaven.