Yesterday brought back that feeling. This is the weekend Tom has the kids, and yesterday the apt above his was gutted in a fire and unfortunately a man lost his life.. My mind is filled with horrible thoughts and worry.. What if the fire occurred last night instead of yesterday afternoon?? It's inconceivable... I have to be honest and put what is really bothering me....
Yesterday morning I woke up early and realized I locked my keys in my car.. It made for a crazy morning..I woke Kallyn up too early and she was crying. I told her to go back to bed before she woke up Todd. So she continued to cry and not go to bed. I scolded her and hurt her feelings.. It was a mad dash to get to work.. Todd had to take me early so he could get to work on time. That also meant we had to take Kallyn to the neighbors so they could take her to school.. She cried because she wanted me to take her.. She was so upset with me.... Her dad picks her up from school on his weekends... What if that was the last time I saw her? I would be living with soo much pain.. From now on I am not going to take things for granted, or people for granted. I need to slow down and take in things around me.. Life only happens once.. You can not have do overs...I have made so many parenting mistakes. I just hope that the kids look back with fond memories of all we did together.. Thank you God for watching over them.. and thanks for all that I have...thanks for all the great things in my life...like last night.. I called tom and told him that I would not accept his child support this month.. honestly he is displaced and his needs are quite larger then mine...after hanging up the phone..Todd smiled at me and said.." Good job mommy, you did the right thing"....My heart melted..thank you God for our Todd....
